So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize