Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i now understand why vodka
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
