Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
