he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
