I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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