We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
