she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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