just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
