If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
