those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
