So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
