i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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