I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
