I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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