Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
