Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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