I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
