my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
