I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize