I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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