WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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