I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I will be naked everywhere
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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