so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
