my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
