There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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