she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
