I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
