Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You're like the curious george of whores
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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