What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
