Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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