there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
