This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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