This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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