2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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