never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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