I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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