I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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