trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
