...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize