You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
