so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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