Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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