it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
