so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
