I wish I could teleport
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
