why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
