Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
