im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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