i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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