My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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