I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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