You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
