I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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