Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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