hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
