The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
