He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
