Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
