idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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