I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize