I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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