I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
