I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize