do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
