i just wanna soil my oats bro
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize