Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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